I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize