we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
