So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
