Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The air was thick with penises
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
