I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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