Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
