I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
