I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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