What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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