I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
