I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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