he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
