i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
