I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
