i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't put those talents on a resume
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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