Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
