I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
birth control should be required to get into college
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
