haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
