I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
