Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
