I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
