R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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