dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
