I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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