It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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