Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
