fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
