Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
