Need sex. Gaining weight.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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