The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
