hotel room ftw
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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