I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just puked most of my soul out..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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