It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
