I'm going to jail i love you
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
