Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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