Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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