I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
