When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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