why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize