I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
