I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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