The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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