Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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