Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize