I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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