You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i believe in u and ur pee
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
