I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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