that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
