she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
