woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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