I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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