Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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