does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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