omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize