I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
