He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
