"it" just moved
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
