yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
