His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
