So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
