So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize