there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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