I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm really busy with my period
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