you guys were way drunker than both of me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
