carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
