Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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