I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
