Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
