they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
