In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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